.::Cursed::.

Current Obsession on the Web other than Diaryland

Mr. Flibble and Rimmer

I think Mr. Flibble... LIKES you.

If you join the Eccentric diary ring, he just might LIKE you more...

Then, take the Eccentricity Survey.

Oh, and here's another Eccentric Survey.

Got Brains?

Sunday, Nov. 28, 2004 @ 1:57 P.M.

Angst and Thanksgiving...

It's been quite a while since I wrote here.
I have a My Space account and it, too, has a blog-thingy.
I don't know, I just really avoided the internet after Sydney died. I kinda told my sister about it and she said it sounded like I was trying to avoid people in general. True, I do have a lot of people I talk to on the internet through My Space, Gaia, and even Diaryland, but it's not like I wanted to talk to anyone that was right here either. She said I should've tried being with friends instead of pushing them away. To be frank, I was numb... emotionally. After I cried my eyes out at the vet's office when she died, I went almost completely numb. I didn't want to talk to anyone. I didn't want to be with anyone. I didn't want to talk about replacing her. I just didn't want to feel attached to anything. I had been used to losing friends every four years, but this was different.
Right now my emotional state is a bit fragile. I broke down crying at work when I got a written warning. In my mind, I knew it wasn't that big a deal. I'm new and I make mistakes... especially if I wasn't trained properly... :: Cough :: But, the tears just came. Ms. D figured it was because at my other job I got written up for stupid reasons and was let go and I felt it was happening again. I dunno... I just felt horrible. I have been crying much more easily than I used to and that's saying something for those who know how easily I cry.
Sydney was my first pet since moving out of the house and I really did feel like she was my baby. I have this guilt that I didn't do enough to help her somehow. Guilt, it's a terrible thing. It's not something that someone can say, "Get over it!" and you can. It's a hurt that tightens your heart everytime you think about it. Talking about only helps if you understand it yourself. I am the type of person who analyzes feelings, but analyzing my own is hard. I'm not able to. I should talk to my sister or mother about it. They know how to get to the core of something. The people around me can't help me.

Sympathy? No, I think not. Empathy? Ziltch. Understanding? Forget about it.

So, I write.

On a lighter note, Thanksgiving was awesome! I brought my father over in the morning to take a look at my apartment. He was pretty impressed. Then, I brought my bro and sis over to have dinner and watch television and anime and eat and sleep over and have a grand ole time. We played DDR and talked about periods and had fun conversations. Roach called me passive-aggressive. I hadn't realized that I was that way. She said it was only towards certain people. Huh... I guess I have to try and treat everyone the same. :: Evil grin :: I hope certain people can handle it...

previous - next