.::Cursed::.

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Got Brains?

Wednesday, May. 08, 2002 @ 2:32 A.M.

Simply put, whale penis...

Chris...

Why can't life be simple?

Chris... ::Sigh::

Why it so very hard to deal with?

Chris... why?

I'm a dork. Although Chris assured me that I don't look like a dork or feel like a dork, I'm a dork nonetheless. Lemme tell ya why.

Last night he calls to ask if I want to go over to his house. Instantly, my voice fails me as my heart and my head duke it out in an all out brawl that makes my head hurt. Actually, the physical pain in my head could be from the constant and brutal contact with the heel of my hand. My heart was burbling happily, giddily saying, "Of course! I love every moment that I spend with you" while my head countered derisively, "Go ahead and run to him every time he calls. You're pathetic, you know that?" Arrrrgh! Why can't I even have an agreeable consensus with myself? I finally let out a half-hearted, mumbled assent. I was terrified, though... of my confusion, of my feelings, of... him. But I so wanted to be with him.

Sufficed to say, when morning came, I was dragging. I had agreed to go over to his house at 3pm. He calls me at 1pm and asks if I want to come over right then. I freeze and manage to squeak out, "I thought you said 3 o'clock?" "Yeah," he says, "Do you want to come over now?" I sigh and say, "I still have to take a shower." He sighs heavily and says, "3 o'clock then." ::giggles:: He knows me all too well. What he doesn't know is that I was stalling... watching TV, reading Cats stories on the internet, then taking an extra long shower before going over to his domicile at 3:30.

His house... I went over there... by myself... no one but me and him (and his mother and brother arguing upstairs). What do I do? I sit on the arm of his couch, not looking at him. It took him a while to coax me down to him(pulling me down to him is a form of coaxing, hmm?) and talk to him. We talk, we snuggle, and(here comes the dorky part, folks) he makes me feel so special that I start to cry. I cried in front of him(not because of some mushy movie) and I had promised myself I would never do that in front of him... ever. He's a man full of humor and laughter and I didn't ever want to burden him with my distress. My greatest fear was that I would push him away with my strong emotionalism. Being sad is not attractive. I'm such a git. And he is such a sweetheart. He comforted me and let me weep. It wasn't until his stomach growled that I started to laugh through my tears. Sorry, the stomach growling thing is an inside, inside joke. ::giggles:: He always manages to do that... make me laugh. As of now, my angst is quelled and I can giggle with the best of them.

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