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Thursday, Nov. 07, 2002 @ 1:43 P.M.

I not dying, as I supposed...

I often wonder why I'm so complacent at times. Why I allow others, total strangers and friends alike to walk all over me. Sometimes, strangely enough, because I like helping out people, I don't resent it. Other times, when I'm in a truely selfish mood, I feel underappreciated. We discussed it in Young People's at church last night. We're supposed to be 'servants' of the Lord and of others. You have no idea how much the servant word irked me. Being Asian and female to boot, I know about how being servile is supposed to be the preferred traits. Still, for some reason, I can't stop the niggling feeling that being called a servant is too much. I know that I have the mindset to be maternal and don't usually complain about picking up after others and helping them out, but actually being labelled as such just irks me. Perhaps it's my contrariness coming out to the forefront... perhaps. That and me being part of my sis's man-haters club.

Yesterday, I went to my sis's work for an appointment. The doctor was checking for my moles to make sure I didn't have skin cancer and stuff. She said that I'm not likely to have it despite the fact that my paternal grandmother had it. Still, I'm glad that I'm healthy enough. The thing is, sis works for a doctor who basically tries to make people feel bad for how they look. Okay, so some people don't have smooth, flawless skin... it doesn't mean that there's something wrong with them. I still don't know how my sis can work for them. They glorify the 'beautiful look' of those in magazines. I hate that. Oh, well, free check-ups is worth them pestering me. Especially since I don't have medical insurance. I just wish I didn't have to give blood. I hate that, too. Geh...

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